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"Hi. I'm Catwoman. You may of heard of me. I'm the one who pushed 
mayoral candidate Selina Kyle off a building." - #72

"I don't have time to play catfish and mouse with these boys." - #72

"Great! I'm wet again!" - #72

"I may need some muscle. You two are joining my crew. I'm stealing you.
Got that?"
"You got health benefits?"
"Oh sure. You say 'yes' and you stay healthy." - #73

"I feel pretty." (Mookie) - #73

"And, lo and behold, there were some Hard Cases waiting to receive me. 
Aren't they cute?" - #73

"Badda Boom Boom!" (Mookie) - #74

"What did you expect? She's a cat." (Batman) - #74

"Show 'em nothing. Do what you set out to do." - #75

"Come and chase me, Batman."
"Count on it." - #75

Famous Cat Quotes:
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats."  --Dave Platt

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will 
piss on your computer."  --Bruce Graham

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."-Unknown

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.  Cats have 
never forgotten this."-Anonymous

"Cats are smarter than dogs.  You can't get eight cats to pull a sled
through snow."  --Jeff Valdez

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."  --English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."-Ellen Perry Berkeley

"One cat just leads to another."-Ernest Hemingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you
later."  --Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many
ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."
  --Joseph Wood Krutch

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."
  --Faith Resnick

"There are many intelligent species in the universe.   They are all
owned by cats."-Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats.  The wisdom of cats is
infinitely superior."-Hippolyte Taine

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and
cats."    Albert Schweitzer

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart."  --Ernest Menaul

"Dogs believe they are human.  Cats believe they are God."

"Time spent with cats is never wasted."-Colette

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.   True, and they
have many other fine qualities as well."  --Missy Dizick

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange
cats."-Colonial American proverb

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for
what you want."-Joseph Wood Krutch

"I got rid of my husband.  The cat was allergic."

"My husband said it was him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes."

"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit."

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All I need to know I learned from my Cat:
1. Life is hard, and then you nap. 
2. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours. 
3. When in doubt, cop an attitude. 
4. Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day,
annoy them, and play with them when they're busy. 
5. Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there. 
6. Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.
7. Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them,"I
8. When you go out into the world, always remember, being placed on a
pedestal is a right, not a privilege.  

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Ten reasons why Cats are better then Men:
10. Cats donít give you beard burn when you kiss them
9.  Cats donít care if you are a messy house-keeper
8.  Cats donít care if you havenít shaven your legs in weeks
7.  Cats donít leave the toilet seat up
6.  You never have to worry if your catís been cheating on you
5.  Even after a yearís time, theyíre still excited to see you
4.  When watching a movie together, cats donít talk through it
3.  Cats always bring gifts 
2.  Cats donít care how you look in the morning
1.  Cats will always love you

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All this time I thought that "PC" stood for Personal Computer. 
How wrong I was!

Standard input: 1) bilateral frontal whisker array  2) bilateral
adjustable audio dishes (range 20-20,000Hz), 3) stereoscopic scanning 
device, with night vision 4) Velcro(tm) flavor sampling device/energy 
collector 5) twin front-mounted odor sampling devices.

Standard output: 1) internally mounted purrbox 2) single speaker with
separate growl mode 3) rear-mounted, fully-jointed semaphore device.

Processor: 1) parallel neuron array with Random Access Memory 
2) autonomic control of system software.

Included Hardware: 1) calcium-based skeletal structure 2) byte-to-bit
conversion array 3) retractable document shredder/hole punch 4) pawpad
printer 5) mouse (standard catnip). Also included: natural fiber 
protective covering in various colors.

Your PC will come preloaded with one of the following:

DOS   (domestic shorthair)
OS    (other shorthair)
MS    (megasoft, installed in units with fuzzy covering)

Conversion to Eunuchs can be done by a simple operation.  This is
recommended to prevent the proliferation of cheap PC clones.

Bundled Software may include the following:  Mortal Kombat, Acrobat,
Explorer, and Stuffit Expander.

Your PC will automatically convert from laptop to desktop as needed.

There are no user-serviceable parts inside.


To start up your PC, push the power button (on any electric can opener).

Your PC has an energy-saving mode known as Sleep.  Your PC will Sleep
automatically if unused for a short period of time, or you may invoke 
the Sleep mode by placing your PC in a soft, warm area.  To wake your 
PC from Sleep you may press the power button as in Start, shake the 
mouse, or tap any of the PC's input devices (see specs).

To perform a Warm Boot: Remove your shoe, then tap the PC gently with
your toes.

To perform a Cold Boot: Same technique as for Warm Boot, but leave your
shoe on.

To Reboot: Repeat the Warm Boot.

Cleaning your PC:  Use only mild soap and water, no solvents.  Surface
wash only. Total immersion is not recommended.  If partial immersion is
necessary, wear proper hand and face protection and make sure your PC 
is fully dry when finished.

Compatability and Networking:  Your PC is designed to independently
assess compatibility with other PCs.

Running Eunuchs will generally give your PC greater compatibility with
other PCs. It may be necessary to install a firewall between 
incompatible PCs as each may attempt to breach the other's security 

Compatible PCs may share thermal energy and cleaning tasks and may
network for gaming purposes.

Please note that your PC will be incompatible with units of type BIRD 
and FISH, unless appropriate security measures (such as a firewall) are
installed. Your PC may tolerate one or more DOG units provided they
occupy a subordinate position within the hierarchial structure.

Power Requirements:  Alternating supply of canned cat food and dry cat
food. Direct supply of water.  Direct access to solar and thermal energy


PC has difficulty exiting ... perform a Warm Boot.

PC shares files from dinner/table/plates without permission:  Boot 
your PC prior to running food-related software.

PC Hangs Up Phone During Connection to ISP:  Try invoking sleep mode
prior to connecting to ISP.  Otherwise, perform a Warm Boot.

PC Is Frozen: PC is probably scanning for small life forms. Reboot
until it responds.

Deleted Material Not Going to Trash or Recycling Bin:  reprogram
preferences in PC sys/litter box/deposit/target.aim

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